Dating vs Married Life

When you are dating..... Farting is never an issue

When you are married.... You make sure there's nothing flammable near your husband at all times

When you are dating..... He takes you out to have a good time

When you are married.... He brings home a 6 pack, and says "What are you going to drink?"

When you are dating..... He holds your hand in public

When you are married.... He flicks your ear in public

When you are dating..... A Single bed for 2 isn't THAT bad

When you are married.... A King size bed feels like an army cot

When you are dating..... You are turned on at the sight of him naked

When you are married.... You think to yourself...."Was he ALWAYS this hairy??"

When you are dating..... You picture the two of you together, growing old together

When you are married.... You wonder who will die first

When you are dating..... Just looking at him makes you feel all "mushy"

When you are married.... When you look at him, you want to claw his eyes out.

When you are dating..... He knows what the "hamper" is

When you are married.... The floor will suffice as a dirty clothes storage area

When you are dating..... He understands if you "aren't in the mood"

When you are married.... He says "It's your job."

When you are dating..... He understands that you have "male" friends

When you are married.... He thinks they are all out to steal you away

When you are dating..... He likes to "discuss" things

When you are married.... He develops a "blank" stare

When you are dating..... He calls you by name

When you are married.... He calls you "Hey" and refers to you when speaking to others as "She."

Golf Caddy Quotes

Golfer: "I've played so poorly all day; I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake."

Caddy: "I doubt you could keep your head down that long."

Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to be able to break 100 on this course."

Caddy: "Try heaven. You've already moved most of the earth."

Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before!

Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before, sir."

Golfer: "Caddy, do you think my game is improving?"

Caddy: "Oh yes, sir! You miss the ball much closer than you used to."

Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time, caddy. It's distracting!"

Caddy: "This isn't a watch, sir, its a compass!"

Golfer: "Caddy, do you think it is a sin to play golf on Sunday?"

Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin any day of the week!"

Golfer: "This golf is a funny game."

Caddy: "It's not supposed to be."

Golfer: "That can't be my ball, caddy. It looks far too old."

Caddy: "It's a long time since we started, sir."

Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5-iron?"

Caddy: "Eventually."

Golfer (screaming): "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world!"

Caddy: "I doubt it. That would be too much of a coincidence!"