If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two and keep away from children.

Did you hear about the director of the Department of Motor Vehicles who resigned on Tuesday? He tried to

resign on Monday but discovered that he'd been standing in the wrong line.

A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns, unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine. "House," in French, is feminine - "la maison," "Pencil," in French, is masculine -"le crayon."

One puzzled student asked, "What gender is computer?" The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her

French dictionary. So for fun, she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine or feminine noun. Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:

No one but their creator understands their internal logic

The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else

Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval

As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer"), because:

In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on

They have a lot of data but they are still clueless

They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem

As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model

The Daily Telegraph headline was: "Brussels Pays 200,000 Pounds to Save Prostitutes."

The article stated: "... the money will not be going directly into the prostitutes' pocket, but will be used to encourage them to lead a better life. We will be training them for new positions in hotels."