Bulletin?!

Heavens to Betsy! When you're spreading God's word, it's important to pay attention to commas and spelling and proper phrasing. If you don't, you may end up saying something other than what you really intended. And sometimes the result is pretty humorous.

The following are all real excerpts from church bulletins nationwide that were collected by the good people at RinkWorks.com in a Web site section they call "Things People Said."

Who needs professional comedians when everyday folks are just as funny? When churchgoers-- perhaps sneaking a peek during the sermon--they must have had to suppress a laugh!

Quoted from church bulletins:

After today's service, coffee and donuts will be served in the basement. Please come down and say hell to the pastor.

Thursday night: Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

O come all ye faithful, sin in exultation.

Don't let worry kill you. Let the church help.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Children will be led in sinning and Bible study.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

There will be a baked bean supper next Sunday at 6:00 p.m. Music to follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Marriage: An Institution To Be Endured. (This was the subject of a sermon that SHOULD have read, "An Institution To Endure.")

And this humorous church anecdote is also offered by RinkWorks.com:

One Sunday, a pastor preached an emotionally-charged sermon about temperance. With great passion, he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis, he added, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." And finally, he exhorted the congregation, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." Amen! He sat down. The choir director then stood very cautiously and announced with a pleasant smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn No. 365: 'Shall We Gather At the River.'"

Who says church is boring?